This Moment To Be Free

I believe my cat is the incarnation of jesus

i believe he walks on water and does what he pleases

i believe the sky is dark now

i haven’t got a clue

i believe i am a lover

and what i love is you.

what i love is you, my cat

i love the way you sneeze.

i love the way your tail curls and i love the way you tease.

i love that you don’t mind i laugh

when you do something cute

i love the way you walk around inside your soft fur suit.

i love the sky is beautiful, i choose not dark or light

i love that we are living now – I care not day or night

i feel my cat is buddha when i pet him on the belly

but some times he is just a cat, whose shit is kind of smelly.

amen.

In yoga, practice becomes grounded when done for a long time, without a break, and with great earnestness and devotion. Love helps – when you love your practice you want to keep showing up everyday.

So what is the yoga of writing? Some days I do not feel I have anything to say. I have even been told years ago by a heartless woman I informally apprenticed myself to that I had nothing to say and should not be a writer – and I have been told by my heart-full second grade teacher that I should write and that my writing is beautiful…

From the yogic perspective neither advice is worth listening to — I can grow beyond being affected by praise or its opposite — and I can detach from the approval or disapproval of any other — what are these, after all, but opinions, judgments – someone loved my writing, loved me, delighted in me and my word-offerings — someone else did not like me or enjoy me, and thought I had nothing of value to offer with my words…one was a loving teache, the other an unloving teacher…and in the end, both taught me much that is of value still…

So what is true? It is true that I love to write…that my heart is in it, my heart is filled with it and by it — that I do yearn to return to this keyboard almost everyday and that I do want to become more disciplined — want to write daily — so here I am…practicing…writing…my fingers are doing asanas (physical positions) on the keyboard, I am breathing I am just allowing the words to come as they write themselves – words forming into sentences and flowing out of my heart, mind, hands….

Do I have anything to say? Or nothing to say? Or does it vary — some days I have something beautiful and poetic that wants to escape the confines of my perimeter… wants to break free and live in the world – a nugget of gold, a grain of truth, a fledgling sparrow that needs to fly free and reach out into the sky – something other people need to read, want to hear, something that, existing, benefits the world… Other days — not so much — other days my words fall like lead weights out the windows of my soul – blah – nothing…nothing to say that day…

Writing is like breathing – some days full some days empty – empty days, I will fill again, full days I need to empty — let it all out upon the page…

What sort of day was this? Both. Some of what I just wrote was lovely – some of it kinda…ick…(fledging sparrows, lead weights from my soul?)…And it doesn’t matter – I showed up anyway.

Love…

om shanti. om peace.

This is a meditation that I do most mornings – it evolved organically from a mediation i learned from the internet site godchannel many years ago and have been practicing for a long time…lately regularly, and one morning the flower part just happened, a lotus flower bloomed out the top of my head…chakras (pronounced cha-kras, not sha-kras) are energy centers, spinning wheels of energy (the Sanskrit word for wheel is chakra) that are located along a central line extending from the perineum area/base of the spine up through your body all the way to the top of the head…there are seven chakras and they vibrate to all the colors of the rainbow — red at the base of your spine, then orange behind and a bit below your bellybutton,  yellow between your bellybutton and your heart, green and rose at your heart, light blue at the throat, indigo at the place between your eyes, above the bridge of the nose, and violet/purple at the crown of your head…here’s the link to the original meditation, with thanks and gratitude http://www.godchannel.com/runenergy.html

Find a peaceful, quiet, private space and sit in a comfortable seated position – I like to sit cross-legged with my hips on pillows or a large bolster, so my back is more lengthened and my chest opens — I can breath well in such a posture. Roll your shoulders back, open your chest — feel your heart area opening — you are alone and safe…

close your eyes and bring your awareness, your attention, to the base of your spine, your tail bone — as part of the spine, the very last vertebrae, we have a vestigial tail — imagine the tip of that tail can extend down all the way into the center of the earth — go slowly, contacting all the layers — feel it, say in your mind “I am reaching my energy down into the earth, through the floor of my house, through all the floors below where I sit, through the floor of the basement, breathing, ahhh – contact with the ground, with the cool, wet soil, with the first layers of rock, all the way into the molten lava at the core of the earth — take a moment to marvel that the atmosphere of this planet, how our mother earth keeps the surface cool and habitable while the center is molten fire…feel grateful…it is even ok to feel sad for the hurt we have brought to her…now, filled with gratitude and love, begin to feel the warmth and fire of the earth’s core travel up through the tail of energy you have extended — feel the earth energy travel up that cord, like a the stem of a flower…

feel the energy as it travels up this stem — hot core fire, traveling through the rock and soil and earth — it enters your body at the tip of your tail — take a deep breath in through your nose, deep into your belly and visualize your first chakra — it is located at the base of your spine, in the center of your perineum — its color is red — visualize the color red and feel the open, the relaxing…say to yourself –”first chakra opening to receive earth energy” –breath out and visualize that this first chakra is releasing its clench, opening, and allowing the beautiful energy from the core of the earth into your body — breath deeply — the stem of the flower is reaching into you and rising gently into your own core…feel grounded and safe…

feel the stem of the flower as it rises through the earth, through your first chakra, up to the area just behind your belly button…take a deep breath in and visualize your second chakra, whose color is orange, opening — say to yourself “second chakra opening to earth energy” — as you let out your breath, feel the stem of the flower rise higher through the opening you have allowed and created….

feel the stem of the flower rise higher…become stronger…feel the place between your belly and your heart — just below your sternum…this is the third chakra, its color is yellow…imagine it is like a sun that dwells in your own center — it is your will center, the feeling center…take a deep breath in and feel that the stem of the flower, which is well-rooted in the earth and stabilized and strong inside you has grown toward the light of your own internal sunshine and feel it enter into this place in you — say “third chakra opens to earth energy” — and as you let out your deep, full breath, feel this chakra open and allow the flower’s stem to pass through as it continues its journey through the center of your body, through your core..

and as the stem grows, it reaches your heart, and into the heart chakra located at the center of your chest — you breath deeply and feel your heart open to receive the beautiful stem with love and pleasure – this chakra’s color is green and its edges are tinged with rose…as feel the breath fill your chest, as your chest expands, say “fourth chakra opens to earth energy” and feel the warmth of your heart opening to the energy of the earth as the stem of this plant grows through your heart area…feel the green-ness unfold as if your arms were the leaves of the plant and feel your heart center open to let the stem grow through…

now feel the energy moving upward, through your open heart to the base of your throat — this is your fifth chakra, its color is light blue and it governs communication and expression…when you are sad and blue you feel a lump here as the sadness pools…when you cry, you express sounds of release from this place…when you express your truth it rises from your core, through your heart and reaches this place, becoming words, which leave your mouth and reach the hearts and core of others…visualizing the stem breaking into a clear sky inside you — this sky is light blue in color…take a deep breath in and say “fifth chakra opens to earth energy”…breath out and feel your throat relax and open — all lumps dissolve — you could sing the purest song…your own song of love and peace…

feel now as the stem rises even higher, up to the place between your eyes, reaching ajna, the sixth chakra — the indigo chakra…this is the place of vision, intuition…connection…breath in deeply and feel this place in you opening, feel that you have a third eye which sees into your heart, and into the heart of universal truth, and as you slowly breath out, say to your self “sixth chakra opens to earth energy”…

now feel as the tip of the stem of the flower reaches the top of your head, the crown — this is the location of the crown chakra, the seventh, and its color is purple…take a deep, cleansing breath to fill your whole skull and feel as the crown of your head is washed with fresh energy and with the earth’s love…as you breath and the air swirls through you, say “seventh chakra opens to earth energy” and, breathing out feel the top of your head open as you feel/imagine/visualize the tip of the stem breaking through as a flower breaks through the earth in a sunlit spring garden…and feel as the flower opens and blooms…

…feel the joy, and the miracle, as a beautiful flower blooms from the top of your head…feel the strong stem that reaches through your core deep into the earth…feel the flower as it opens, blooms, yearns and reaches into the sky…toward the sun that shines from the sky onto you, your flower…into you…through you…you are vibrating with life — with aliveness, and with love…

for me, some days, this flower is a lotus — pink and white and many-petaled — some days it is a simple gerbera daisy…

continue now to breath and to feel the stem of the flower that grows from the earth through your core, and blooms out the top of your head and reaches toward the light…

feel now the light as it coalesces above your head…visualize that there is a cloud of golden and silvery light forming above your head, this is the sky energy, god energy…imagine this cloud grows and coalesces and becomes soft and full, and imagine a gentle, very soft and gentle rain begins to fall from the sky onto your flower…take a deep breath in, feel the center of the flower open to receive this gentle golden rain and say to yourself “seventh chakra opens to god energy”…feel your flower open to let the nourishing rain down into its stem…

the golden/silver light fills you as it travels like nectar down into your sixth chakra, breath in and say “sixth chakra opens to god energy”…breath out and let the light travel further, with each breath in let the light of god, the light of the universe, travel deeper down the stem of the flower, contacting each chakra as it opens to receive the light…your throat opens “fifth chakra opening to god energy” breath…”heart chakra opening to god energy”…your core is touched with light, breath into your center, say in your mind “third chakra opens to god energy” then feel the light of god traveling into the place behind your belly button, contacting the orange center there, and breath into that place, say “second chakra opens to god energy, sky energy” finally feel the light as it travels down to the base of your spine, to the very center of your perineum and feel your base open as you breath into it, saying “first chakra opens to god energy”…

…and feel as the energy of the sky, of the universe, of god travels through you through the flower, down the stem and into the earth…feel that the earth opens to receive god—with a sigh, with relief…they are overjoyed to meet, they are grateful to unite, they are grateful to you that you have acted as a conduit, a place of joining between them…mother earth, father sky…these lovers, god and the mother…unite through you, through your body…

feel the flower that grows through you, that fills you, that is you, as it reaches its roots down from your root chakra and reaches its flowered top out and up through your crown chakra — you are centered, you are a conduit connecting earth and sky — feel that god and the mother meet in your open heart and know that you are fulfilling the sacred human duty to be the child of god and the earth — the place that is home to both, and where both connect, unite and flourish…

sit and breath and feel your heart, the green, alive core that is filled with love and peace…feel this calm and know that this peace and calm is your birthright and all you need to do is breath, all you need to do is be…. let your heart beat as god and the mother embrace within…you are a child of the universe, you are grounded and safe, you grow toward god, you grow from mother earth…the universe is your garden…

om shanti, om peace…

and, love.

Stand with your feet hip width apart. Realize that your feet are your only point of contact with the ground… what a miracle it is to be standing here, now…standing on your own two feet…

Imagine that you are a mountain – a great pyramidal shape, extending down into the earth for miles…

your feet are the base of the mountain – beneath your feet you can feel the downward energy pulling you, magnetic, connecting you to the earth, into the earth,

your base – it is you and it is the earth…there is no separation at this moment.

Feel the connection, the solidity – feel through your feet down into the ground – feel the wet cool soil, the rock – porous but hard, strong, secure – feel all the way down to the fire – molten lava, hot pure energy at the core of the earth…

pull the energy up through the earth into your feet…you extend down deep and the energy rises through you, up into you through the soles of your feet, up through your legs…

You emerge, mountain, through the earth, your base strong and firm – let the earth energy travel up your legs and into your body…

your tail bone extends toward the ground as if it were magnetized downward toward the earth…

your abdominal muscles engage and rise, the energy from there extending upward, catching the wave of warmth rising upward…your chest expands…your heart opens…let earth energy fill your heart…

your lungs expand, taking in a deep breath of fresh air — prana — life force…

your shoulders, rise up and roll back, your arms are energized…you are standing open and firmly grounded…

you feel the top of your head being pulled upward, into the sky…a mountain peak, the snow covered summit…the pointed top of the mountain which is you is rising, rising up to meet the sky…

you are a himalayan mountain, a swiss alp, one of the rockies…one with the earth, your energy extending down to the center of the planet, and the earth’s energy rising through your body, rising from your base, extending infinitely up into the sky, into the universe…

becoming one with the gravity and downward magnetic pull of the earth, yet rising, reaching into the infinite…

fully grounded and fully extended…you could stand here forever with your heart open…connected to all, and all things connecting through you – a conduit between earth and sky…

om shanti…peace.

wow, that was amazing – i closed my eyes for meditation and said “i will meditate until 8:15″ and when i organically felt it was the right time to stop, opened my eyes – and it was 8:15.

om shanti, om peace.

if the best things in life are free

then what is money?

it is energy

- and so is everything else.

is money its own kind of Energy?

I was thinking the other day as I walked through the subway that this, now, is the closest I have yet come to the ideal life I want to be living. I just need to add earning more money into this equation…and to continue building on this foundation, enjoying this life…

Here’s what i love: I deeply enjoy, and am gratified by sharing from my own experience that using food and yoga and natural remedies can be very good ways of healing and… and also, when inspired, I love writing…

writing…all the beautiful words, the poetic fountain of verbiage that resides in my brain and is somehow connected with my hands and my heart…

and service in a sacred context — connecting with people who need help and giving them what i have, sharing my experience and what i have discovered… and feeling that moment of connection, seeing and feeling the other light up when what i say or suggest connects with something in them that says – this is true, this could help – and then the love and light that shines there for a moment feels so good…

…and how will I make money? I am making some now doing this beloved work at the apothecary… i want to grow this seed…acquire some greater solidity of knowledge and authority…how will i make more money?…I do not know… if I can spend minimal amounts of money to get myself into a place of earning my living by advising and counseling around body and food and so forth, and i were earning my living doing a thing or things i enjoy…then that would be nice…

please god, ganesh, the mother of everything, lakshmi, and whoever else…my grandparents and my guardian angels…please help me out, inspire me…help me know the next step to income with integrity, joy and usefulness.

“Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think.” – Longfellow

om shanti,amen

Living in the present while honoring the past, holding the space open for the future.

Breathe. Here we are. Hello.

Om shanti, om tat sat, peace.

Literally, non-stealing. Asteya means so much more, though, than just not taking other peoples’ stuff…it is a door to a vastly opening and expanding world in which everything, even our breathing, has something to teach about freedom and interconnectedness…and gratitude.

Because we can steal – it is not too difficult – things are there, there is very little oversight… and yet…there is always a part of ourselves watching and knowing what is truly ours and what is truly not…and we feel uneasy in that place, and not peaceful…when we steal anything, then ultimately we are stealing from our own peace…

In raja yoga class in the yoga teacher training at the institute, we are now studying the yamas, or things you need to abstain from in order to lead a pure life. Homework for this week is to choose one of the yamas and practice it, live it, for the five days until we meet again for class. I chose asteya…

and it is very challenging because so much that i do is stealing in some way or another – I buy a bottle of water and realize that not only have I stolen my own health by drinking in the poison chemicals that are decaying into the water during the half-life of the bottle, but I have participated in adding to pollution when I throw it out – thus, participating in stealing the sanctity and purity of the earth from my nephew and the rest of his generation.

I interrupt people a lot when we are in conversation. I know in part why I do this – I get enthused, excited, I want to make sure I am heard, I want to participate, I want to show off sometimes, I want to say whatever it is before I forget, not all “bad” reasons, but still…I noticed yesterday evening that when I interrupt, the other person’ s energy shifts slightly – they get a little bit sad…because I have stolen from them…stolen their moment to express themselves, stolen their time and stolen the gift of communication they wanted to give to me…even stolen their egotistical spotlight sometimes…but still, it was not my turn…

what else? when i do not meditate or do not do my yoga practice or pranayama practice, I am stealing from my own body and from my evolution and growth — I am taking from myself the chance to be more conscious, more alive…and so, I am stealing from the world…

little things, but this is just day one of paying attention to asteya…i think I want to narrow it down a bit for the next five days and practice not interrupting people when they speak. This will be very challenging for me — I have Jupiter in Gemini in my chart — I love to talk, I love to express, I love to be expansive with my words and I love to be heard and to give what I have inside…also sometimes I get bored and antsy waiting for the other person to get his or her words out, or I feel I already know where they are going, or I have heard it before…also I am very bright and quick and sometimes I do not have patience for those who are slower in their expression…so…

…so, I need to try this. I need to give five days to the practice of sitting or standing and just listening — taking in whatever the other person is saying and not stealing their moment…I need to hold the space open, and let the other person fill it. I don’t have to agree, I do not have to understand, I do not have to like it, I may feel the loss of the great thing I want to say because it is just not fitting in to where the other person wants to go…or I might just forget what that great thing was by the time the other person finishes speaking…but I need to do this…this is my practice…

And then, if I like, I can write about it here, in this lovely, pretty green space and no one can interrupt me and I can write to my heart’s content…

om shanti, om peace.

after midnight…it occurred to me earlier that it is best not to steal the peace of other people…and yet we need to balance this by not doing things to disturb our own peace…